I Know You Are, But What Am I: Trump’s Pee-wee Herman Syndrome

Trump’s “Big Lie”—that voter fraud in at least seven states cheated him of reelection in 2020—is perhaps the epitome of what I have come to call Trump’s “Pee-wee Herman Syndrome.” This collection of symptoms, ultimately sociopathic in consequence, manifests itself in a repeating pattern of responses all akin to “I know you are, but what am I.” This retort was made famous by Pee-wee when he verbally turned the tables on his opponents in the movie Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. In other words, Trump’s Big Lie has become simply a continuing attempt to hurl back criticisms of his treasonous efforts to subvert a legitimate election. We have seen him try every desperate ploy he could find, including, tragically for our democracy, a violent assault by his followers on our Capitol Building. The irony of Trump’s slogan “Stop the Steal” is that, like Pee-wee, he is accusing his adversaries of precisely what he himself is guilty. Parents and teachers should recognize this classic pattern of “projection,” as psychologists call it, both in the home and in the classroom, when a petulant child projects their own bad behavior onto a convenient target, usually another child but sometimes even an adult.

Trump’s rebuke of Nancy Pelosi for ripping in half her copy of his State of the Union speech is another example. Several witnesses have reported Trump himself obsessively, and illegally in the case of official national records, tearing up documents and correspondence into small pieces. One report claimed he often flushed the pieces down a commode and another claimed he even burned documents. A third claimed he chewed up, and I suppose swallowed, memos and documents. One has to wonder what, specifically, he was trying to hide with such paranoid behavior. I’d guess he’s been deleting, trashing, tearing up, flushing, burning, and swallowing business, public, and personal records that either threaten or offend him his entire adult life.

Trump’s supposed concern, in election year 2016, for national security—that Hillary Clinton’s stolen emails contained classified info—is a third example. When he publicly called upon Russia to find those emails, someone quickly obliged. This helped set in motion a chain of events that led to Clinton’s demise and Trump’s victory in the November national election. After becoming President in 2017, he refused to give up his private cell phone—the first President in American history to be allowed such a breach of security. And he repeatedly discussed classified matters publicly, alarming security officials to the point of wringing their hands. Recently fifteen boxes of classified documents, some of which likely relate to the January 6 Insurrection, were found at Mar-a-Lago. Apparently Trump considered them his personal property but had not found the time to destroy them.

When viewers first saw Trump on national tv shows like Johnny Carson’s The Tonight Show in the 1970s and 80s, they were inclined, as I remember, to perceive him as just another wealthy, entitled celebrity-tycoon who was “full of himself.” But Trump’s obvious narcissism began to show itself as full-blown megalomania, a psychotic disorder that should have been apparent to anyone who had taken an introductory course in psychology. Somehow, however, Republicans missed that, I believe because of their own tendency to admire and kowtow to bullies, in this case a Mussolini-like “strongman” who would back them in their culture wars, promise law and order, and rescue them from their perceived financial victimhood. So when Trump declared for the Presidency, they were eager to support his bullying tactics and quite ready to overlook his suspected ties to the mob (much like the Vatican in 1930’s Italy). There were just too many cultural changes going on all around them, too many of those “others” taking over their society, too few “rights” (entitlements) left to them—in short, they were slowly but inexorably being replaced. This led, of course, to the paranoid right-wing conspiracy theory known as “Replacement Theory” and led many traditional Republicans to look the other way, with the rationale that “the ends justify the means.” Often the ends don’t justify immoral means at all, as was finally concluded by many German citizens at the end of World War II and Hitler’s Third Reich, but only after the loss of tens of millions of human lives and the permanent scarring of millions more who did survive.

In an earlier essay I described six periods in American history that involve Conservative “flirtations with fascism,” beginning with Republican reactions, mostly red-baiting, to the partly socialistic policies of Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal in the 1930s. These flirtations resurface about every ten to twenty years, and illustrate the fact that many Americans in the generations following World War II simply did not learn the cruel lessons of fascism. This last flirtation, which some have called “Trump’s Cult of Personality,” has turned into a sordid full-blown affair and brought democracy to its knees. Luckily, Trump’s attempts at a coup d’etat—using false voting-fraud claims, all sixty or so dismissed in federal courts, putting pressure on state election officials and legislatures to wantonly cheat, pressuring Pence to decertify the election itself, throwing it into a Republican-controlled Senate for determination, and lastly recruiting illegitimate state electors to replace the legitimate ones—all these efforts failed because of our sacred Rule of Law. In other words, Trump’s Beer Hall Putsch, like Hitler’s in November 1923, failed because of those heroes—from state and local election officials and federal judges to Mike Pence himself—who refused to overthrow democracy for fascism.

Our modern Republican Party has been hijacked, gradually over the last twenty years, by the Tea Party, created and financed by billionaire industrialists like the Koch Brothers to squeeze out the remaining financial assets of our lower and middle classes. The goal, of course, is to maintain control over rural and working class people so they can be fleeced in both the workplace and the marketplace. If you want to know who the real “Deep State” is, who actually orchestrates the constant siphoning of resources from the lower classes to the upper five percent, simply look up the GOP celebration party that occurred immediately after Trump’s second impeachment (for inciting the January 6 Insurrection). If you really want to know, you will find it.

The seduction of neo-fascism, in the person of a wannabe authoritarian despot like Trump, is appealing to Missouri’s Senator Josh Hawley and our own 18th Congressional District’s Representative Jason Smith for obvious reasons. Hawley, fist pumping in support of the “Stop the Steal” conspiracy nonsense, is eyeing a future bid for the Presidency, hoping for Trump’s blessing. Posing as a rural conservative populist and nationalist, he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing—a Far-Right, intellectual autocrat, graduate of Stanford University and Yale Law School, lawyer and former professor, with some of Trump’s skills in hoodwinking the public. Smith, on the other hand, likely has more benevolent though misguided intentions, but his constituents need to convince him that the great majority of them are simply not farmers nor business owners.

The absurdism of the GOP’s desperate attempts to defend the indefensible reminds me again of Pee-wee and “I know you are but what am I.” A few nights ago I had a dream about the Capitol Insurrection. Instead of Pee-wee calling Dottie from a phone booth, evading her proposals for a real date when he gets home, Trump is in the White House Oval Office, feet propped up on his desk, talking to Pence on his unprotected cell phone. It is the afternoon of January 6, Trump is watching the events on his big-screen tv, and Trump rioters have just broken into the Capitol Building, forcing their way toward Pence’s office with a rope noose and screaming “Hang Mike Pence!” Pence is pleading with Trump to tell his supporters to stand down, but Trump has other intentions:

“Krii… krii… krii… krii….” (Trump making fake phone-interference sounds into his cell). “I can’t hear you, Mike, can’t hear you at all. Sorry. You just go on now and make sure you decertify those election results.”

Sam J Duckworth

Feb 17, 2022

Noodles the Supercat Vs. Trump and Pence, Part 2: Don Trumpote’ and Myko Penza on the Road

NOTE: Readers may want to read or reread “Noodles the Supercat Vs. Trump and Pence” (Part 1), which is in comic-strip format, before reading this sequel in illustrated-story format. Hope you enjoy this new format.

As it turned out, when Noodles had attacked Trump and Pence’s pterodactyls, Pence had parachuted first and landed near the old Caruthersville water tower just ahead of his boss. The reunion of these two scoundrels was soon followed by the gathering of a small, adoring crowd. “There must be 10,000 supporters here,” Trump told the group. “A new record.” His supporters heartily agreed, then shouted “Lock her up!” three times in unison. For this reason, they didn’t hear Trump whisper to Pence, “What a s’hole town. Let’s get out of here.”

A few days later Noodles received a screenshot and message from Havana Bell, a notorious C’ville con man who had met Trump and Pence as he walked by the old water tower.

The message read:

“I sold them two old jackasses to ride out to those windmills. Man, those were huge asses. The donkeys were large too.”

Meanwhile, Trump and Pence rode their agonizingly slow mounts south along the top of the forty-foot levee toward Cottonwood Point, just north of the new bank of windmills Trump had come to investigate. Their conversation naturally turned to “the good ol’ days”. “When men were men, and women were women; when black was black, and white was white,” Trump mused aloud. “And never the twain should meet,” Pence offered. “My wife is always trying to straighten out those LGBT people.” “LGBTQ,” Trump corrected. Pence sighed. “It gets more complicated every day.” But Trump voiced new thoughts: “When we get back to Washington, I’m issuing an executive order to have those Socialist windmills dynamited. How could I ever make any money on those cockblockers? You know, I think these are Missouri mules, not donkeys.” Pence, as always, agreed. “Stubbornest animals on earth. Just like your supporters.” “Amen to that,” Trump said.

Soon Pence grew chafed from the rough bareback ride and started to complain. “I’ve never felt this sore between my legs.” He threw one leg over his donkey in order to ride sidesaddle, and Trump responded, “I doubt you’ve ever felt anything there at all. You look like a short-haired old lady in a suit.” Pence grew quiet, as was his custom when either his wife or his boss got this way.

When the bank of imposing four-propeller windmills came into view, about two miles downriver in this flat soybean country, Trump dismounted, removed his mini-binoculars from his inside coat pocket, and stood beside his burro looking through them into the distance. “They might be giants,” he said, “and threats like these must be eliminated. More of that global-warming nonsense. Have you seen any dead birds yet?” Morose and smarting from the pain and insults, Pence didn’t answer at first. Then, “I guess not, Boss. We’re just not close enough yet.”

About a quarter mile from the first windmill, Trump kicked his donkey’s sides repeatedly as hard as he could, spurring the beast to bolt into a mad run that made him hold onto its neck for dear life. When they reached the windmill, the animal stopped abruptly and dropped to its fore knees, throwing Trump into a somersault, like Charlie Brown at the hands of Lucy.

But Trump landed not on his feet but his back. A great whoosh escaped his mouth, and a great, long, resonating fart escaped his buttocks. He slowly pushed himself up onto his elbows, turned over onto his knees, then stood up, reeling, and dusted his suit off. He groaned and swore, and issued another vow: “I’m going to shoot that damned Democrat mule as soon as I can buy an illegal gun.” The donkey (or Missouri mule) glared at him, then closed its eyes and brayed several times in reply, as if laughing.

Trump was not deterred. Some movement from the windmill’s propeller attracted his attention and he hobbled toward it, grabbing the lowermost blade with both hands and hanging there, thinking to stop its turning with his prodigious weight. But a sudden gust of wind picked him up and sent him skyward, and soon Trump found himself at the top of a four-spoked ferris wheel without the rim, again hanging on for dear life. “Goober, get me down from here!” he screamed. “This is beneath the dignity of my office.” Pence stood on the ground below staring upward like a small child, as if he had seen “the light”. “I will, Boss,” he answered, “but it will take some time.”

In fewer than five minutes, another gathering of Missouri supporters appeared. Immediately, without prompting, they chanted “Lock her up!” three times, then grew quiet as they took in the spectacle before them. Trump, unhappy, waved sheepishly and tried to regain his composure.

[Look for the thrilling conclusion in Part Three…soon.]

Sam J Duckworth